Anyway, so there’s now a ban on anything larger than a cellphone traveling in the cabin of any airliner coming to the United States from 10 different Arabic countries. The UK has decided to jump on that bandwagon as well. But now, just about a month later, someone in charge was wondering, “So how do we make travel even more unbearable?” And even though we thought it couldn’t be done – it’s one of those Ronco, “But Wait! There’s More!” moments.
Think about it. A five, ten, fifteen hour trip with just your cellphone. No iPad, no Samsung Note, no portable DVD player. And as you’re taxiing away from the gate, you hear, “We’re sorry, but Chief Purser Gopher just deleted all in-flight entertainment. But somewhere we’ve got a VHS copy of Biodome with Pauly Shore somewhere,” screamed from the overhead. Won’t that be great?
]]>Umm, no. Not that the two TSA PreCheck lines weren’t going fast. But the other lines nearest the PreCheck lines had TSA agents screaming (naturally – their default behavior) that the lane was a “Throw and go” lane. Remove nothing from your bag (like your liquids and such), leave your shoes and coats on, and just put your phone in your bag, then walk through the magnetometer. Not even the fancy new porno-scanners – just the regular magnetometer.
So basically TSA PreCheck is now the same security as every other TSA line, at least at Portland International. And like TSA PreCheck, the general public only went through the porno-scanner when they set off the magnetometer.
What the hell, TSA?
]]>Me (to TSA ID Checker): Oh jeez… Three weeks without PreCheck? You guys are killing me! (said in a more jovial than not tone).
TSA ID Checker just rolled her eyes. I made my way into the regular security line.
TSA Overhearing Agent: “You know there’s a line over there?” she said, pointing to the other lane.
Me: “Yes, but that one is wrapped around and this one is shorter, thanks.”
TSA Overhearing Agent: “I’m not arguing with you, sir. I know you’re angry for not getting PreCheck.”
Me: I rolled my eyes at her obvious bait and asked, “Do you want me to switch lines anyway?”
TSA Overhearing Agent: “I said I’m not going to fight with you, sir.”
Me: “I’m not fighting with you; I simply asked if you wanted me to move to the other line.”
TSA Overhearing Agent: “I understand that you wanted to get PreCheck. It’s not our fault; it’s handled elsewhere. I’m not going to fight with you, sir.”
At this point, I closed my eyes, counted to ten, and just stayed where I was. I had a TSA Agent arbitrarily provoking me for whatever douchy reason she had. I never raised my voice, said anything derogatory, or anything to the woman. She just wanted me to snap at her for some reason.
Well I wouldn’t take the bait. But that’s not going to stop me from calling her a giant douchenozzle and blogging about it.
Aah, adventures with the TSA. Fun, eh?
]]>So some brilliant man decides to joke about having a bomb in his bag when he goes to check into his flight at Anchorage International late Saturday night. Well, really his friend’s bag – but still. And he said he was “joking” and “flirting”.
Seriously, you simpleton? That’s just… Well, for lack of a better word, stupid.
What’s better, this guy’s an umpire – so you know he’s used to making quick decisions. And this one was a bad one. Seriously. What’s worse? This guy isn’t allowed to leave Alaska, because he’s a flight risk.
Okay, so that’s a little overboard. But still.
Totally reminds me of yelling at the private security firm that’s at the MCI (Kansas City) airport as I was passing through security a few years back when two of the officers, who were working the baggage x-ray machine, were “joking” about planes crashing and exploding. Seriously. Except they got to keep their jobs, whereas this dillhole in Alaska’s stuck until his hearing.
]]>So finally, the TSA has set up – 19 months later than it was ordered to – a public comment period, scheduled for February 2013. Get ready, folks! Unless you like having your ‘nads subjected to radiation or photographed every time you go to the airport.
]]>Remember a few months back when there was a guy who protested the TSA by stripping naked in the middle of Portland International Airport? Well he went to trial on indecency charges, and they were dropped by the judge.
I can’t believe they even bothered to take the guy to trial, but they did. But there’s a ruling in Oregon that freedom of speech/freedom of expression can include being naked, and that’s why the judge threw the charges out.
One for the good guys!
]]>Here it is. Support this guy!
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]]>Seems someone was traveling with their grandfather’s ashes in a properly marked glass container when their bag was subject to a “bag check” by the TSA. The TSA agent opened the jar and promptly spilled about 25% of John Gross’ grandfather’s remains. What’s the worst part? The agent laughed.
I don’t know about you, but I’d be mortified. First, I wouldn’t have opened the jar to begin with; no sane person would. But we all know sanity isn’t a strongpoint for the TSA. And if I was stupid enough to open the ashes and spill them, I sure as hell wouldn’t laugh about it!
And you know what’s even more sad? This part of the article and quote from the wronged family member:
The TSA agent kept laughing without offering help, he said. And passengers waiting to get their bags were stalled behind him as he spent 10 to 15 seconds on his knees grabbing what he could, Gross said.
“I didn’t want to cause a scene because I didn’t want them to throw me off my flight or put me on the no-fly list,” said Gross, 30, a restaurant manager. “It didn’t really hit me until I got on the plane.”
Mentally abused to the point of not responding to the TSA Asshat’s laughter and being afraid to speak up because the TSA might put you on their “no fly list”? Jeez…
So yes, Virginia. There is a hell. Because if my remains were scattered about TSA agents, I’d be in hell, too.
]]>Now I’m no friend of the TSA. Even when I say something nice about them, I counter it with a criticism, so you know I’m critical of them. But that’s because of their rude, nasty attitudes and their perceived incompetence. It has nothing to do with the color of their skin or their ethnic backgrounds. But as soon as I’d heard about this story, I knew I wanted to follow it. Why? Because the TSA agent in question’s name is Alija Abdul Majed.
Whoa… Sounds foreigny and therefore scary, right? ::facepalm::
Trek on over to the New York Post. Or if you want, you can read the whole racist-filled rants right here. I’ve even highlighted the worst of them. And this was just the first batch; there were more than 100 more to go!
program – and it’s glorious.
Here in Portland, Oregon, our local airport has joined the TSA Pre✓ list of approved airports. And since I joined myself (as a frequent flier of Alaska Airlines, they joined me up automatically, but only for flights on Alaska), it has taken me no longer than 7 seconds to get through TSA after showing my identification. It has been glorious!
So if you’re a frequent business traveler, I’d look into it. It’s so worth the $100 fee.
One note of caution. When you join TSA Pre✓, they will give you a few options. I chose their Global Entry option, because it made the best sense for me. Your decision may be different. But they give you a “Global Entry” identification card, and it’s an official identification from the Department of Homeland Security, and can be used as proper ID. It can, no matter if a TSA agent refuses it or not. I fly out of the tiny airport of Prescott, Arizona, and the TSA there refused to accept my Homeland Security ID and wanted my drivers license.
So there you have it. I did manage to balance some good with some bad, so take that, TSA! But seriously – join Global Entry. You’ll definitely be glad you did! And drop me a line if you have questions.
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