To the douchebag in the Portland airport yesterday

Okay, so there’s a few Portland Airports, and there’s more than a few douchebags in each one.  This one was behind me in the TSA security line yesterday, and held the rank of Captain of one of the larger airlines.

Seems the TSA got a little crazy at the ABC security checkpoint, and was sending people all over the place.  The “First Class/Elite/Crew” line was full up with not only the First Class/Elite/Crew folks, but also everyone from mothers with spastic five year old triplets in need of Ritalin, to Great Granny who enjoys a cushioned ride on the piss-stained wheelchairs while explaining to all that she’s “never been on one of them new-fangled aeroplanes before”.

So this Captain, already pissing people off because he’s cut the line — which I actually support — is making snide comments.  Okay, a man after my own heart.  But he starts going off about the TSA, which again is fine, but not when you start lying about crap.  A TSA agent was nearby, so I asked why they got rid of the “Preferred Traveler” line, which would keep us from stepping in Granny’s piddle puddles when we take off our shoes for X-ray (thank you, moronic shoe bomber!).  Before the TSA agent could respond, the Captain starts badmouthing them.  “Don’t like it? Blame the unions. Unions rules won’t let them open up another lane and made them close the preferred traveler lane here.”  Blah, blah, blah.

Listen Captain Fucktard, I would be VERY careful with the union bashing.  First things, YOU BELONG TO A UNION!  Do the initials ALPA or USAPA mean anything to you?  They’re there to work on YOUR behalf.  Sure, unions gave up a lot during the economic downturn after 9/11/01.  But it would have been worse WITHOUT the union representing you.

Second, get your facts straight.  The TSA is NOT unionized!  Being in a union yourself, you should have known this, but you obviously have your head so far up your ass that your sunglasses have more skidmarks than your underwear.  First off, President Bush, who created the TSA, would not let it be unionized, and threatened to veto any bill sent to him that allowed it.  Hell, just the TALK of unionization derailed the first person President Obama nominated to head the TSA, and is affecting the second person nominated for the job.

So get your head out of your ass, Captain, and get your facts straight.  And next time, remember – you represent your airline when you spout off in line.  Shut your pie hole if you can’t be at least congenial, or travelers like me will know – and AVOID – your airline.

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